Will I have a future?

I have to apply, and I have to write .. about myself.

How the hell does anyone expect the endless facets of any person to be exemplified in words at all? Who are we but collections of little things, of infinite little mannerisms, patterns of speech and habits, of interests and moralities and likes and dislikes?

How can I even capture one of my traits in any length of words, without feeling forced, without being entirely degrading to myself in words?

Words are only representations. They offer nearly no meaning compared to actually knowing the thing that you're missing.

What am I to say? How can I say I'm reclusive without being a recluse, that I am strong in weakness and emotional without being completely destructive to myself? How can I say that I watch others and I know when they're uncomfortable, that I want to make others feel good for once in this mostly unforgiving world? What if I said I was different than everyone I've met?

What if I told you I was exactly the same, even in this difference? What if I am nothing, if I am everything, all at the same time?

Because my central trait, balance, involves everything about me. In this I am everything, and it all falls together perfectly, and it is deep and heavy and tall

but it does not fall.

I am....?