Something is wrong with me lately. It's so strange to feel like this again. I have enough distractions, enough books, anime, manga, games, everything to keep me busy. To keep my mind off of it.

But why am I thinking so much about it?

He is a ghost, he is a phantom. And there is no way to find someone like that again.

It's like they never existed in the first place. Even if you look back, if you criticize every selfish thing you said

if you read the old IMs and watch yourself over and over, just being selfish. Just ignoring them, and wishing you could apologize, wishing you were better, nicer, more caring.
And then knowing that you don't deserve to destroy them further, because frankly

They
don't
miss
you

and

They
don't
love
you

anymore.


And somehow it hits you now, when someone else asks, "You aren't over them, are you?"

And it hits more when you cry, when you're frustrated because they don't reply to the emails, that they really did

disappear.

And you're still here. You're still in the same place, and your existence is rendered completely, and utterly

empty.