It's sad, really.

What happens to people after they leave. Sometimes they really miss the other person, but most of the time now, I just don't think people care about each other anymore in this day and age.

Or they don't want anyone to know that they do.

Maybe they continue to act that way, maybe they don't tell anyone

But maybe they keep it written somewhere. Maybe they regretted ever deleting any sweet word.

And they read them sometimes, even though the emotion all bled away years, months, weeks.... ago..
They still act like it's something new.

All of the understanding "I'm sorry"s, all of the "I missed you"s, and especially the "I couldn't stay away"s...

which are never to be said again. And then they just, read them, and they cry like they did when it was said the first time, and they say to themselves, "You have no idea how much I missed you today," like they had never left.

But they did, and they will again, and when you fall asleep at night, you'll regret reading these things again.

Something is wrong with me lately. It's so strange to feel like this again. I have enough distractions, enough books, anime, manga, games, everything to keep me busy. To keep my mind off of it.

But why am I thinking so much about it?

He is a ghost, he is a phantom. And there is no way to find someone like that again.

It's like they never existed in the first place. Even if you look back, if you criticize every selfish thing you said

if you read the old IMs and watch yourself over and over, just being selfish. Just ignoring them, and wishing you could apologize, wishing you were better, nicer, more caring.
And then knowing that you don't deserve to destroy them further, because frankly

They
don't
miss
you

and

They
don't
love
you

anymore.


And somehow it hits you now, when someone else asks, "You aren't over them, are you?"

And it hits more when you cry, when you're frustrated because they don't reply to the emails, that they really did

disappear.

And you're still here. You're still in the same place, and your existence is rendered completely, and utterly

empty.