Are you happy?

Sometimes, it's just hard to act happy when you know that really, everything isn't.

I don't think that thinking constantly about the cold and miserable part of the world is the way to live, but to just think of things in perspective, and understand that things aren't always happy, nor are they always sad.

I can't really identify much with those people that always smile blindly, the ones that ignore the shadows in the world and avoid them, forcing themselves to beleive that they don't really exist.

My favorite people are the ones that you see are aware.

The ones that sometimes falter in their manner, trying to fit in.
The ones that are searching for the truth.
The ones that feel different from everyone else.

They ask questions.

They try to comprehend.
They become depressed..
They look for a purpose...

And those people, they don't know what to do.

They're not always happy, they know they aren't

They have their grievances, and really, I'm glad they do.

I'm glad that there are people who can feel something. They show signs that they sometimes go a little bit further.

At my doctor's office, there's this nurse that always looks after people, and always asks how they're doing. She always makes compliments, and once, she faltered a little. I realized just how bad she felt about herself. I think.. she always gave and never got anything in return.


I wonder if my intuitions of people really are correct sometimes.

I really didn't like one speaker at my school. He was some psychology major, at some unimportant school. He just gave us some motivational speech.. but.. For whatever reason, I thought it sounded really fake. I just thought I saw how it was trying to change my opinion. No.. Nothing is always happy. No.. I don't think like that. No.. It's not okay.
It was like.. there wasn't really much room to argue against him. He would have this presence where he would assume complete authority and that whatever we said was nothing compared to his words. Somehow, it worked. He did it subtly. No one seemed to notice it except for me.
And everyone else really liked him.. It was kind of scary, really. You know what? I don't care what anyone says. I know it's not true. I won't beleive you, and I will analyze everything you say. You can't change me.
I don't really understand what it was. I don't get why I felt so alienated. Everyone else seemed to be under a spell. I felt so alone there at that moment. It felt unreal.
That's how those great leaders work their way up. I'm thinking that is what Hitler must have been like. Of course he got them to think how he wanted them to...


But I like others. I like those people that keep to themselves for the most part. I like people that say insightful things.

Sadly, they don't seem to really exist anymore.


Are you happy?